Darth Maul held his double-bladed lightsabre level with his chest while his two mechanical opponents approached him from two opposing directions. His muscles tensed briefly as he somersaulted over the bigger one’s head and landed directly behind it. A horizontal sweep with his sabre would have done the job, but Maul twirled the lightsabre in his hands and stabbed his opponent in the back. With a high pitched electrical squeal it collapsed, though Maul didn’t see that anymore, he had turned his attention to the iron club that whistled through the place where his horned head had been a second ago. A roundhouse kick to the midsection of his opponent disturbed its balance and bent it almost directly into his lightsabre.

The sparring room became silent and Maul crouched down to examine his opponents. They would be easily repaired; Lord Sidious wouldn’t scold him this time. These special battledroids were expensive. He stood up and played through the battle again in his mind. There was no flaw that he could find; he was in perfect shape but…Maul shook his head and slowly walked out of the training room to a shower. When water was running over his tattooed muscular body, he finally admitted to himself the thing that had bothered him for some time now: he was bored. What he really needed was a vacation. He knew it would be useless to ask that from Sidious, the old man would never understand that he needed to do something to recharge his batteries so to speak. He pondered the dilemma while washing his horns with the special cleaning gel meant for them. He knew that many females find them attractive and he wanted to keep them in good shape. A good horn play was something Maul couldn’t resist when someone offered it to him.

Dressed in loose pants he padded off to his quarters, and turning on the computer, logged in to the net of a primitive planet called Earth. Lately he had found himself surfing there quite often; especially since he had found a site called DMEB2. It puzzled him how those primitives had heard of him, but the things they said and wrote about him were mostly rather flattering; and Maul wasn’t immune to a little ego stroking. He had even become a member of that cyber community for a while and played “Lord Santa Maul” for them during an annual festival when they wished things from a fella called Santa Claus. A sly smile crossed the Sith Lord’s lips as he imagined the reactions he would have caused if he truly had granted those wishes.

A new thread called “Groupie Thread” caught his attention and he started to read it. Someone, posing as him, was getting a lot of attention. He read the last comment of this 'ScottMaul.' “I'm afraid I'm not much of a writer. I would hate to step into an arena of such talented souls. I'm better at just 'playing' Maul.”

Maul stared at those lines a long time. A plan was forming in his head. Grinning widely he purred aloud. “I’m sure I can arrange a chance for you to more than just play me my friend…”

*****

The Florida night was hot and humid as usual. Three troopers were again “patrolling” the bars of Orlando, and all three had drunk a bit more than what was good for them and their armour felt hot and sticky. It was 4 am and they were sitting outside of a bar that has just closed.

Leaning on his helmet Clutch wiped his brow. “Guys…do you think we should find another bar?”

Gita shook his head. “Nooo…I think it would be best if we go back to the hotel to get some sleep. Don’t you agree Scott?”

The third trooper just nodded, he knew he couldn’t articulate himself after all those Tequila Fanny Bangers he had drunk. Taking support from the car he had been leaning on he hauled himself up to his feet. “Gita ish right, it’s best to hit the pillows now.” He tried to focus his gaze on Clutch without much success. Then he noticed a dark figure standing in the shadows about 20 yards from them. The figure noticed his stare and slowly began to approach them. Scott blinked; he couldn’t see what he was seeing. A bright light flashed combined with a loud, brain penetrating sound. Then everything went black.

Darth Maul nudged one of them with his boot. Not a twitch. Good, this would make things easier. First he considered leaving two of the troopers behind and taking just the one he needed, but then a idea crossed his mind and made him grin ferociously. Unceremoniously Maul piled all three of the troopers onto a “sledge” he had attached behind his speeder and drove back to the Infiltrator.

Gita woke up first. There was a dull thudding in the back of his head and waves of nausea ran through him when he sat up. “Man…that is the last time I drink Tequila.” He moaned. “How did we get back to the hotel anyway?”

No one answered his question. His two companions were still dead to the world and lay limply on the narrow cots attached on the walls. Gita frowned. This wasn’t their hotel room, so where the hell they were? He went to the door and found no handle or anything that would open it. Slowly he gazed around the room they were. It was austere, even spartan looking. There was nothing save the cots.

“Clutch, Scott, wake up!” Gita said urgently while trying to shake them awake.

“Another 15 mins mom…” Clutch mumbled rolling over onto his stomach. Gita simply pushed him down onto the floor.

“Hey! That was uncalled for!”

“Try to focus Clutch. I have no idea where we are.” Gita snapped trying to rouse Scott.

“Uhm…we are not at home?” Clutch asked looking around.

Finally Scott also woke up. “Where is he?”

“He who?” Clutch had managed to haul himself back onto the cot and sat there holding his head in both his hands. Definitely too many drinks.

“Darth Maul. I saw him at the bar.” Scott remarked.

Gita and Clutch exchanged looks. “I think he’s finally lost it. He’s spent so much time on DMEB2 that now he already believes Maul exists.” Gita nodded his agreement with Clutch.

“Why shouldn’t he believe in me? I’m as real as it gets.” A silky voice said from the door. Three heads snapped in its direction. At the door, all dressed in black stood Darth Maul, Dark Lord of the Sith. His yellow eyes measuring the trio the same way a snake would measure a rabbit it was going to eat. He stepped inside the cabin and crossed his arms over his chest. “As you may have already noticed, you’re no longer in Florida. We are heading towards Coruscant.” He let them absorb the information for a moment before continuing. “You like to play Siths and Imperials…I’m giving you the chance to do so for real. You,” Maul said nodding in Scott’s direction. “Will pretend to be me for couple of days and keep the Nemodians in line, along with a couple of other things, while an acquaintance of mine will make sure that your friends don’t get bored. Questions?”

The trio just stared at him. Maul sighed. “We arrive at Coruscant in an hour. I have an important mission to perform for my master but I need someone to mind the shop while I’m gone. Surely you want to help? I’m counting on you.”

Scott found his voice first. “Erm…yes, but I don’t have my costume with me.”

Maul waved his hand dismissively. “That is not a problem. I have already taken care of that.”

“Lord Maul? Umm, what are we going to do?” Gita asked hesitantly.

Maul turned to look at him with a smirk on his face. “Like I said, an acquaintance of mine will take care of you.” With that he turned and left, leaving three very nervous troopers behind.

*****

Scott looked at himself in a mirror. He had difficulty recognizing himself. This time Maul’s tattoos hadn't come from some make-up bottle and they covered his whole body, not just his face and head.. Maul had used some sort of light to cover his skin with a red and black pattern. He had assured Scott that the tattoos would fade away in few days. Scott feverishly hoped that it would be true. He slowly dressed in the clothes Maul had provided for him. On the table was a double-bladed lightsabre.

“It belonged to a Sith Lord called Exar Kun couple of millennia ago.” Maul explained. “It still works but let’s hope you don’t need to use it. I don’t want you to tarnish my reputation.”

Scott attached the sabre on his belt and took a deep breath. Now would be the first test. He needed to contact the Nemoidians and demand a report of their progress…

*****

From behind his sunglasses, Darth Maul watched the busty redhead strolling past his beach chair. Most impressive. He wondered how she managed to defy gravity like that, as he idly watched the redhead’s breasts bouncing. Maul had already arranged two dates for himself for that evening, but maybe he could have a breakfast date with her…with a slight manipulation of the Force Maul untied the top of her bikini and made it fall off. The redhead screamed and tried to cover herself with her hands. Maul jumped from his chair and picked up the top.

I think you dropped this, Miss.” He said politely offering the top back to the woman. Gratefully she took it from him but seemed to be unsure how to put it back on without uncovering herself. “Here, let me help you…” Maul picked up his towel and held it as a cover for her from other people’s eyes, though it let him to have a good look at her assets.

“I have heard that dawns are beautiful here. Would you like to come for a morning swim with me tomorrow and then we could have some breakfast together?” Making sure she wouldn’t give a wrong answer Maul nudged her thoughts on the right direction.

“I’d love to do so.” The redhead smiled. Maul smiled back.

“Perfect.” He purred. “I will meet you here at 5 am then.”

The woman smiled and nodded continuing to her way back to her friends. Then they all looked at Maul, and giggled and waved at him. The Sith smiled and waved back. With a contented sigh he leaned back down in his chair and sipped his pina colada. Life was good.

*****

“THIS was Maul’s idea of fun?” Clutch grumbled. He and Gita together with several other storm troopers were jogging through a jungle. It was hot, it was humid and they were sweating profusely inside their armour. The Sith had enlisted them under the command of Grand Admiral Thrawn, and he had sent them to a training camp on Yavin IV. For two days they’d been pushed to their limits. However, they contented themselves on one thought… tonight would be party time.

Back in the barracks they showered and polished their armour before heading out to “The Fist,” a local bar that, one stormtrooper assured them, could fulfil any desire they might have.

*****

It wasn't too difficult. Scott thought on his way to Maul’s quarters. As a matter of fact all he had needed to do was to scowl at the Nemoidians and they had given their report without delay. As he had continued to give them dark looks they had offered all sorts of interesting details they had “forgotten” to mention earlier in their report. Scott remembered that he had read from somewhere that the way to know when a Nemoidian was lying was easy: his lips were moving. Despite that fact, Scott was quite sure that they hadn’t lied to him. He had toyed with the hilt of his lightsabre in a way that suggested unpleasant things would happen to those who might cross him.

Feeling very pleased with himself, Scott, stepped inside Maul’s quarters, which were dimly lit and furnished with black leather and dark wood. As he dropped the lightsabre on the table he noticed a light coming from the bedroom. Curious, yet a bit alarmed, Scott took the lightsabre back into his hand and silently moved towards the door. Igniting his lightsabre he stepped into the bedroom ready to strike.

“Fierce mood tonight my lord? I thought we’d play with your other sabre.”

Scott stood with his mouth open. In the bed lay a Twi’Lek girl. A very blue and very naked Twi’Lek girl. Something Maul had forgotten to mention to him.

“My lord? Is something wrong?” The girl sat up looking at him curiously.

For a moment Scott considered an escape as an option. He was pretty sure that Maul wouldn’t be pleased if he touched the Sith’s playmate. But on the other hand, if he didn’t, the girl might say something to Sidious about Maul’s strange behaviour and the old Sith would decide to investigate the matter. That was the last thing Scott wanted. A Sith’s gotta do what a Sith’s gotta do, he thought closing the bedroom door behind him…

*****

Maul chuckled and turned the computer off. He was pretty sure that the posts and PMs he had sent under ScottMaul’s name on the DMEB2’s message board would stir things up. With the promises and innuendos he had made to the 'ladies' he knew that Scott would have a very interesting time at SWC2. Maybe I should try to get there too, just to ease his “work load”. Maul mused. He looked towards the tangled bed where his second date was sleeping; he had exhausted her. Maul grinned smugly. I’m one hot Sith. He hoped that the redhead would have more stamina otherwise he’d need to search for another woman to satisfy his needs. Silently he dressed and closed the door behind him.

*****

“Gita, I can’t see, someone removed the visor from my helmet!” Clutch complained, leaning heavily on his companion. They had just spent a memorable night in “The Fist” and Clutch had sampled most of the liquor they had, while Gita had been more careful and stuck to local ale.

“That’s because you have your visor on the back of your head Clutch.”

“Oh…” Sheepishly, TK-989 took his helmet completely off and grinned at his friend. “Did ya see that that girl? Four breasts man! I felt so inadequate with only two hands!”

“I think you covered all the bases quite well.” Gita remarked dryly. Unlike Clutch he hadn’t been too eager to try everything that had literally been thrust under his nose. That’s why he still had his full armour on while Clutch…well, some parts of his fellow trooper's armour were in his back bag. “I think we better be very quiet, we’re late and I don’t want to get into trouble because of that.”

“Naw, what kind of trouble we could possibly get into? Ooopps!” Clutch tripped over his own feet and fell, pulling Gita down with him. Cursing, they started to get up when a pair of black boots appeared in front of them. Above the boots was the white uniform of a grand admiral, with red eyes staring down at them.

“TK-383 and TK-989…I believe you were supposed to be here two hours ago. How kind of you to finally show up.” Grand Admiral Thrawn’s voice was dripping sarcasm. The troopers winced. This couldn’t mean anything good.

“Come with me. I have a mission that I believe suits you perfectly.” A thin smile that crossed his lips made Clutch and Gita wary. Whatever the admiral had in mind probably wouldn’t be pleasant for them.

*****

The redhead was already waiting for him on the beach when Maul arrived. She had a flimsy green dress that complemented her red hair. “Good morning.” She said. “I was afraid that you wouldn’t come at all.”

Maul sat down next to her on the sand. “A Sith is always true to his word,” he stated while busily checking what was underneath her dress. To his great satisfaction Maul noticed that the redhead wasn't wearing a bra. “Shall we go for a swim now?”

The woman nodded and Maul started to pull off his shirt making sure to flex all his muscles in the process. A hand lightly caressed his chest and the Sith felt a stirring in his pants. Then he felt stirring in the Force. He looked around and saw another couple farther up along the beach walking towards the sea. Maul paled under his tattoos. It couldn’t be…but his sharp eyes confirmed what he had felt through the Force. His master, Lord Sidious, was on the beach billing and cooing with the Jedi Master Mace Windu. And he was wearing very tiny pink swimming shorts showing much more of his pale body than Maul ever wanted to see. If the old man sees me here he will toast my horns. The Sith looked at his date. She was removing her dress and Maul saw he had been correct; she was wearing only a small thong underneath.

"Come on Mace, the water is very warm!"

Maul tore his eyes off the redhead and looked at his master who had run into the water. He hadn't noticed Maul yet but it was only a question of time if he stayed. The Sith threw one longing look for his date before he started to back away.

"Look, I'm really sorry, but I just remembered something I need to do. I’ll call you."

With that Maul turned, leaving one very pissed woman standing on the beach. Hurriedly he headed for his ship. The vacation was over.

*****

Scott was lying in Maul’s big bathtub. This beats work at home any day. He thought and kept shaving his head. Stubble on his head would be hard to explain since Maul had no hair at all.

“Here are more towels master,” Silah said softly from the door. She smiled and left the pile within his easy reach. Scott grunted and nodded. At first he had thanked the Twi’Lek girl from her services but her confused look had showed him that Maul never did so. To stay in his role Scott had stopped thanking her and started to issue commands. It seemed to work pretty well.

Today he wouldn’t need to contact the Nemoidians, so he had decided to try Maul’s sparring room. His self-confidence had grown while time had passed and he was sure he could handle himself against at least one opponent. Walking purposefully into the sparring arena, Scott activated one of the battle droids. It gave a shrill sound and attacked. Scott barely had time to activate his lightsabre to block the first blow. From then on things started to go downhill rapidly. The droid drove him mercilessly around the area only missing him by a hair’s breadth with its strikes. Scott started to panic; it would be so stupid to get himself killed. He’d die from embarrassment if that happened.

Minutes ticked by and Scott started to get tired. The droid’s last massive blow sent him stumbling backwards and he fell. The droid was there instantly ready to kill. Scott raised his lightsabre to block it but he saw he wouldn’t be able to do so without loosing at least a limb. He closed his eyes against the upcoming pain.

The stroke never reached him. A red bladed lightsabre blocked it and in few seconds the droid was in pieces. Maul turned and angrily looked down at him.

“Are you brainless? These are programmed to kill.”

“Well,” Scott sounded defensive, “I thought I could handle just one.”

Maul shook his head disgusted. “If I didn’t need you in the future, I wouldn’t have bothered to interfere. Come, we’re going to pick your friends up and then I will drop you back on Earth.”

“Okay,” Scott said meekly. “How did your mission go?”

Maul face darkened. “There are still some loose ends I need to take care of in the future. I trust that I can count on you then too.”

“Sure. Save this incident everything has gone smoothly here.”

They boarded the Infiltrator and Maul piloted it towards Tatooine. Scott looked a bit surprised. “I thought that Gita and Clutch were on Yavin IV.”

“I got a message from the Admiral. He sent your friends on a special mission to Jabba’s palace.”

This worried Scott. Jabba’s palace was one of the sleaziest places in the galaxy. He wondered what kind of a mission the two troopers were having there.

Clutch and Gita were already waiting for them outside Jabba’s palace. Both of them had a greenish tint on their faces.

“What happened guys?” Scott asked curiously.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Clutch said. Gita was furiously shaking his head. They both sat behind Maul and Scott, obviously eager to leave Tatooine. Maul gave them a look and chuckled.

“You needed to bathe all Jabba’s dancing girls?” The Sith asked with a smirk.

Gita nodded miserably. Scott looked puzzled. “I thought that would be a dream job.”

“Not all of them are beautiful…or even humanoids.” Clutch shuddered.

“Oh.”

The rest of the journey was silent - only Maul chuckled from time to time. It made him feel better when it became clear that he wasn't the only one whose plans had gone awry. He left them close to Disneyworld and took off again.

The trio of troopers returned to Clutch’s place and cracked open some beers. They all needed something to sooth their nerves. Scott quickly went over to the computer to check his mails. He browsed through some of them. Then he checked DMEB2 message board.

“Guys…Maul’s been using our names on the board.” He felt a cold sweat gathering on his forehead.

Gita came to read over his shoulder. “Two minutes with ScottMaul alone at the SWC2…place your bid.”

Clutch came over to see. “How fast can you peel a trooper? You can try with $40 - only at SWC2.”

They look at each other. “Maybe we could dress as Rebels there? Or as Gungans?” Gita suggested.

They sat it silence pondering the matter. It seemed like the Celebration would be most interesting…